Before starting, I would like to tell you that this title will be written in the form of a diary. This would cover various aspects of my life. You may see notes that may or may not be relevant to be posted under this title. But for me, all aspects are part of my life and my life is mainly research life; the latter justifies the former.
03/10/2011
This morning I got down in Tirunelveli Junction railway station. Tirukkural Express was not so crowded from Chennai itself. I did not expect that, because normally all trains from Chennai to different parts of Tamil Nadu are crowded. This train starts from Delhi and is a weekly train. That may be the reason why it was less crowded. Many people don't knew this train.
I reached EGRL nearly at 8.00 am. I had three bags, all heavy. Books are always heavy, even if its contents are silly :)
Actually I was in extreme hurry for the past two weeks, from the time I gave a nearly two - hour long talk to my guide on what are the things I have been doing. Then he told to make them to a report. I almost fell over the computer in the computing lab of my department. I slept there for a few nights too. I had to finish my thesis typing, as earlier as possible since I needed to join here in EGRL atleast today - 03-10-2011. I was supposed to join here last month itself, but I got an extension upto 3rd October-today since my MPhil. project work was not over. Anyhow we made that possible atleast now....!
Today, I am here, I had to walk to my quarter from the bus stop nearly one kilometer with all these bags. There in Chennai were Jaison, Balaji, Sheela, Nilavarasi and Ravi to help me take these upto Egmore. Here, I felt it difficult to take everything alone.
My quarter is in the ground floor of a two-storey, four - quarter buildings. Here, we have two bed rooms, a dining room, kitchen a bathroom and a toilet. Bed room is small but well furnished. Sukant, a Bengali, the other fellow who also joined here in my batch, also have a similar room within this quarter. We both share the quarter. But he is not here now, he went home today for the pooja holidays. I have a bed - single cot, two cupboards, a table and a chair, all newly purchased. I felt happy.
But there was a lot of dust which I cleaned almost well.
In the evening, I went to the closest town namely Seydunganallur, which is some 2 miles away, by walk along with Dr. Anil Kumar, a scientist here. He is a Keralite and talked very mildly.
Unlike my usual practice in Chennai until yesterday, I went to bed early at 10.00pm itself. Here no one is there to kill time na? But after 11.00 pm, I had two calls. So, in effect, I slept at 12.00 am.
I reached EGRL nearly at 8.00 am. I had three bags, all heavy. Books are always heavy, even if its contents are silly :)
Actually I was in extreme hurry for the past two weeks, from the time I gave a nearly two - hour long talk to my guide on what are the things I have been doing. Then he told to make them to a report. I almost fell over the computer in the computing lab of my department. I slept there for a few nights too. I had to finish my thesis typing, as earlier as possible since I needed to join here in EGRL atleast today - 03-10-2011. I was supposed to join here last month itself, but I got an extension upto 3rd October-today since my MPhil. project work was not over. Anyhow we made that possible atleast now....!
Today, I am here, I had to walk to my quarter from the bus stop nearly one kilometer with all these bags. There in Chennai were Jaison, Balaji, Sheela, Nilavarasi and Ravi to help me take these upto Egmore. Here, I felt it difficult to take everything alone.
My quarter is in the ground floor of a two-storey, four - quarter buildings. Here, we have two bed rooms, a dining room, kitchen a bathroom and a toilet. Bed room is small but well furnished. Sukant, a Bengali, the other fellow who also joined here in my batch, also have a similar room within this quarter. We both share the quarter. But he is not here now, he went home today for the pooja holidays. I have a bed - single cot, two cupboards, a table and a chair, all newly purchased. I felt happy.
But there was a lot of dust which I cleaned almost well.
In the evening, I went to the closest town namely Seydunganallur, which is some 2 miles away, by walk along with Dr. Anil Kumar, a scientist here. He is a Keralite and talked very mildly.
Unlike my usual practice in Chennai until yesterday, I went to bed early at 10.00pm itself. Here no one is there to kill time na? But after 11.00 pm, I had two calls. So, in effect, I slept at 12.00 am.
10/10/2011
Today I came back from home after four days. These pooja holidays were a great boon for me because i went home after a long time. Everytime I plan to go home, there was some problem. Also, for the last few weeks, I was in a hurry to finish my MPhil project work there in the University of Madras, Chennai. I finished my viva on Saturday and was here in Tirunelveli on monday. I had thought I cannot go home even in another month.
I never used to have such a longing to go home; but this time there was a reason: my grand father was ill. So I went there......
I met my old grand father there in my mother's house. He is tired, became lean and he is desperate. I talked with him for a long time. We sat in the sit-out in the evening where he exposed his fears. His loneliness makes him think unnecessary things.
The conversation ignited in me certain thoughts about being old. I think that this is the most terrible phase any human being must have to pass through.
You are tired. You cannot walk through the vast paddy fields you have been sowing and reaping for decades. You cannot sit and chat with the fellow men in the streets. You painfully imagine your healthy friends chatting and laughing in the market. You go through the flash back of your life several times a day. There are no friends to come to you and spend time with you because they themselves are in other difficulties.
You rewind everything, every nook and corner of your past, from the first day you joined in the local Madrassa until now. Your father distributing sweets to all the other students and the Ustads. Your father bringing you new slate and pencil. You recall the joy you had had when splashing muddy water over your friends, they do the same back to you, onset of a fight and you beat him sitting over his chest.
You recall the days when you were a rebel to your father. You loved your mother too much. Your father wanted you to look after his paddy fields, coconut lands and the cattle and labourers. But you wanted to join some schools for studies. He do not allow you. You starts your rebellion.
You remember the night you left the home without saying anyone. You walked a hundred miles. You reached a Masjid in the early morning. The Moulavi saw you. You told some lies and you joined in the orphanage. You were there for a few years. Finally you came back to home. Your mother gives you food as if nothing had happened and you were not out of home all these years...!
You start working with your father. One day you get married. You give birth to your children. You bring them up with utmost love and care. They too get married. By the time your father passes away. Your mother falls down sick in the bed. You looks her after with the love she had been showering all through your life, still you realize that that was not sufficient. One day she leaves you behind. At this time, you feel a sense of insecurity. Still, your loving wife is a strong support for you. She shares your sorrow. She takes extra care of you.
You lived a long life. But the flash back lasts only a few minutes and you realize how short the life is...! Now you are desperately waiting for your death..!
Now, you are old. You repeat the flash back picutes like a movie. You watch it again and again. Because you do not have anything else to do, you are not able to do any physical work and you did not have a habit of doing intellectual works..! You are alone. Your children are away from you. Even if they are nearby, they cannot talk with you twenty four hours a day. Then your thoughts fly above all limits. You think too much about the death and the hereafter. You may cry in the lonely hours. You are waiting for the unavoidable death...! But the death too is busy. You don't know when he is going to turn his head towards you. Still you think you have to go on waiting him, even if it take several more years.
I never used to have such a longing to go home; but this time there was a reason: my grand father was ill. So I went there......
I met my old grand father there in my mother's house. He is tired, became lean and he is desperate. I talked with him for a long time. We sat in the sit-out in the evening where he exposed his fears. His loneliness makes him think unnecessary things.
The conversation ignited in me certain thoughts about being old. I think that this is the most terrible phase any human being must have to pass through.
You are tired. You cannot walk through the vast paddy fields you have been sowing and reaping for decades. You cannot sit and chat with the fellow men in the streets. You painfully imagine your healthy friends chatting and laughing in the market. You go through the flash back of your life several times a day. There are no friends to come to you and spend time with you because they themselves are in other difficulties.
You rewind everything, every nook and corner of your past, from the first day you joined in the local Madrassa until now. Your father distributing sweets to all the other students and the Ustads. Your father bringing you new slate and pencil. You recall the joy you had had when splashing muddy water over your friends, they do the same back to you, onset of a fight and you beat him sitting over his chest.
You recall the days when you were a rebel to your father. You loved your mother too much. Your father wanted you to look after his paddy fields, coconut lands and the cattle and labourers. But you wanted to join some schools for studies. He do not allow you. You starts your rebellion.
You remember the night you left the home without saying anyone. You walked a hundred miles. You reached a Masjid in the early morning. The Moulavi saw you. You told some lies and you joined in the orphanage. You were there for a few years. Finally you came back to home. Your mother gives you food as if nothing had happened and you were not out of home all these years...!
You start working with your father. One day you get married. You give birth to your children. You bring them up with utmost love and care. They too get married. By the time your father passes away. Your mother falls down sick in the bed. You looks her after with the love she had been showering all through your life, still you realize that that was not sufficient. One day she leaves you behind. At this time, you feel a sense of insecurity. Still, your loving wife is a strong support for you. She shares your sorrow. She takes extra care of you.
You lived a long life. But the flash back lasts only a few minutes and you realize how short the life is...! Now you are desperately waiting for your death..!
Now, you are old. You repeat the flash back picutes like a movie. You watch it again and again. Because you do not have anything else to do, you are not able to do any physical work and you did not have a habit of doing intellectual works..! You are alone. Your children are away from you. Even if they are nearby, they cannot talk with you twenty four hours a day. Then your thoughts fly above all limits. You think too much about the death and the hereafter. You may cry in the lonely hours. You are waiting for the unavoidable death...! But the death too is busy. You don't know when he is going to turn his head towards you. Still you think you have to go on waiting him, even if it take several more years.